Music

How can words, a beat, a melody, a bass
Cut so deeply? How can one song, see through
and call us on our krap?

There are days when those three elements
speak so deeply, I try to outrun
the music pounding through my ears.

It speaks the truth about my heart
the truth I try to hide unless asked
It identifies the pain so deeply embedded,
The lies I believe, the ways I'm trying to better myself.

Today I am trying to forget you
and move on. I saw a picture this morning
and my heart ached for you.
Ached for the things that could have been
instead of the things that are.

Decisions were made, songs sung
songs written. You'll never hear
the chord progression.
Maybe just maybe you can look and see
yourself so embedded in them
That I can capture you and hold you.

Or maybe I should just let you slip from my fingers
your's ghost over mine one more time.
My other hand ghosts over your cheek one more time
For a moment music is all there is, as the notes and the beats
paint a picture of my heart, paint a picture of you.
I can touch you one more time, dance with you one more time
Love you one more time.

Reality comes crashing back in as I hear
the words that bite so deeply
and my heart bleeds, cries out, grieves.
To bad you'll never hear it or see it
among the notes on my page.

Trying.

I'm trying to lose you
Among the gestation
of my terrified mind.

I'm trying to forget you
but somehow it won't let go of you
(it holds, it tugs,clinging to the memory of you)

I'm trying to love you.
What if it's to late?
What if loving you means running.

I hate running
(You should know)
but moving on, letting you form
into a shadow in my memory
May be easier than the gestation
my mind takes and runs with.

Running away just may be easier.
The truth is just to hard to bear.
I love you, i admitted it.
(among the drunken angry argument)
we found ourselves in a state of the union mind
Our stances clear, or hearts and legs set
(not to move, not to tarry)
To bad heart and mind are not one.

Admit it. You were wrong.
Admit if. You never gave me a chance
Among these broken pieces of glass
its time to pack my bags.
Yet my fingers tarry at the shadow of you.
My lips still long for yours.
But time has moved on, and so have you.
To bad love lost, is not love found.

No love lost, no love found

The truth, the truth is hard to bear.
(the truth is I lost myself somewhere amid the pain)
I feel like a reflection of who I once was, duller, less colorful.
(I don't have any answers, don't ask. I don't know)
In trying to protect you I hurt you, in trying to be honest I pushed you away.
(I'm a reflection in a window of the girl you once knew)
Maybe it's easier to hide in my shell, no love lost, no love found.
(I'm afraid for you to see the pain, you and the creator)
Love is giving yourself away, but I think I forgot to take what another was giving.
(It's always been my own, and once again I find I long to hide behind its cool masked exterior.)
No one gets through, no one hurts me. I am strong, I am cold.
I am pain.

Quiet. Soft piano, and fingers fall across the white and black keys.
(if this could be a definition of silence then my heart would be happy)
The sun outside is setting, signaling another end, to another day.
( My heart seems to contemplate its rays as it reaches out to touch the clouds)
Darkness is falling,and the clouds are turning from gray to white.
(My heart waits, waits in the silence it creates.)
Wait, Wait oh my soul and rest in the times of plenty, the times of joy.
(The times of sorrow, the times of loneliness, the times of loss.)
Feel them deeply oh my soul, the loss the love, the joy, feel them deeply.
(watch as your world crumbles, watch as it rebuilds, watch as it is transformed.)
You'll find rest for your soul, when you find inner peace.
(its supposed to be this divine moment when all the world stops, within your heart.)
Content, content with myself. like catching a raindrop without it breaking.

Outrun a song

I tried to outrun a song today
(my feet pounding as my  breath comes in shorter bursts)
Its truth registered in my consciousness
(as I fought to deny it)
Our differences may make us fight
(but our similarities make us overlap)
Differences will make us stronger
(Similarities will make us work)
Reality intrudes as I step off the treadmill
(My muscles ache, my breath stabilizes)
today I tried to outrun the truth of a song.